Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I Was Fooling Myself

Today has been very frustrating for many reasons. The main reason is how the students that I service are not wanting to be accountable for their education. It really is a shame. If they only knew what other children in other parts of the United States and other countries go through just so they could have an education. These kids take so much for granted. I was just recounting my own frustrations I had in middle school just the other day. I wanted an education, it just did not come easy for me. I had to work to just understand the basics' in many areas. Most of these students don't even attempt any effort. They want to use anyone or anything as their scapegoat.
7 more weeks left and then summer vacation. That is the light at the end of the tunnel.

I passed out grade sheets today for a shock factor. I service 67 students, which really is not that many. A few years ago, I was responsible for 110 students. At this time, 29 students are failing and 8 students have D's. So that means that half of my students are not making the grade. AND, I heard from several students how I LOST THEIR WORK. Are you serious?! What EVER!!!!!!!.

Then I tried to email Terri to get the lines of communication open and that did not go well either. I have set up a time to sit and talk to her and I will do my best to keep my blood pressure down.
But I have to say, I am very frustrated with the "conversations". It is like beating a dead horse.

This is not a decision that I made on the fly, this is not a decision that I have not thought about for a while.
I am sorry our relationship did not last forever.

It is time to make a transition. Yes, I have made the transition faster because I was the one not happy. But, I also expressed that many times to her and she did not stop to reflect or stop and change anything. SO why do I have to be "punished" because I made a decision and I am choosing to move on.

I am not going to feel as though I did something wrong. I am not going to feel as though I did not "try" hard enough to save the relationship. All of you know me, you have listened to me when I have vented about this exact thing. How long have you patiently listened to me? It has been at least 8 months if not more. She is not going to take her anger and frustration out on me. That is not happening.

Why am I even entertaining the idea of sitting down and talking? Mainly because of the pattern I have discovered in my life. I normally run and then come back later and try to talk things out. I am not RUNNING FROM ANYTHING!!!!!! If she wants to ask questions, she better be ready for the answers.

Ok I feel a little bit better. Remember, comments are always welcome. I can take anything with a grain of salt.




Rodney Bequette said...

Just remember........

Orange is not your best color!!

And you don't do well in enclosed quarters!

As Sophia said in the Color Purple, "don't do it--it ain't worth it"

Trust me on this one!!

YOu know I have your back sistah!!!

Yo-Yo said...

Laura, I LOVE YOU!!!!

For you!!! Be you... that is what your best at!!!!

U my bu' ger!!!!

Yo Yo

Kim said...

As far as our students go, you can't make them take ownership of their education. After 9 years here, I know that I can't make them want it. We can't make them care. We can't motivate the unmotivated!
As far as home goes, just try and remember to stay calm. She will know what buttons to push to get a rise out of you. Try and remember she is hurting and wants you to feel as bad as she does. Take a deep breath, and smile. You can't be mad or sad when you're smiling.
Love ya :-)

Boss said...

But brother, I do look good in orange. But I think the jumpsuit would be a little to much for me.

Kim, thanks for you comments. I decided that today would be a much better day!

I know she is hurting, I can feel the heavyness in the house. That is another reason I am not there very often right now. I don't want to wallow in the depressive state.

I will take a breathe when I need it. Thanks for all of your comments and concern. I love you all.